wee pooh

after meeting winnie the pooh at mickey's house owen ran inside the hundred acre wood store in disney's critter country--

goodbye Amersfoort

In my final day here in Amersfoort as I prepare to leave for home tomorrow. My next trip will be to Norway on Feb 6. I will post some pictures of my tour around town last Sunday.. get a close look at the coffee connection pic -- you will see the Space Needle, because everyone knows that Seattle=coffee.

uncle sal

happy earth day (early)

revisited an old band that I like -- and a song I completely forgot about:

It's April 21st and everybody knows today is Earth Day
Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday to whoever's being born
And now I'm trying hard to think of something
meaningful and worthy, kind of earthy
to make everybody ask themselves just
What are we doing here?

- Dramarama


of course we know that earth day is indeed Owen's birthday and falls on April 22. I'm not sure why Dramarama sang about the wrong day.. there's probably hidden meaning in the song that I'm not seeing.

I get to post some pictures of Owen too.. so here you go.. this was taken right before I left.

heavy

i'm sitting at my desk in my office corner, sun coming in through the window glaring the screen, listening to track 3 "the kiss" from the hours soundtrack probably for the 876th time. really. i read some several hundred books listening to these same movements over and over again, it became the sound of reading. to me it is the sound of women writing, reading, yes, in this very humanistic pre-feminism virginia woolf collective kind of way. but i'm sitting here enjoying hte diffuse light because again nana has taken the train out and is playing legos and watching sesame street with owen. and she demands that i go upstairs and work. and what i see on my screen is this picture. it's my favorite, right now, its my moment iwth my boy, the one i carry with me in my mind's eye.


and i've put it everywhere i want to work, it seems. because, i think, it's so ephemeral, it reminds me of the beauty of the fleeting moment. my owen always running off screen, and all i can do sometimes is watch and smile. and whenever i can, hold him close, just for a moment and tell him how much i love him before he squiggles and squirms and runs off again. it's a balancing act really, holding him and letting him go. putting on the headphones and taking them off. writing draft after draft of this chapter and playing with glue and stickers.

i'm thinking of all of htis because there is a tremendous well of loss. and pain happening around me. and all i can think to do is find the most beautiful paper i can, the simplest and most honest words and send off all the love i can spare--and send more. and i feel a deep sense of tragedy for the lives that have disappeared, that were too ephemeral. but it doesn't seem enough. nothing can possibly be enough. you cannot replace lives lost, lives that never got to be. it just leaves a heavy. and i mean heavy as in a weight, a blank reminder. and you live with it i think, and you build around it. and you share it sometimes, i think, with the lightness in your life. and as milan kundera reminds us ever so poetically, that too can be unbearable. but for that heavy, i leave, as woolf does in orlando, a great blank. because i think she wouldn't mind the plagiarism.











































































x

wednesday

why wednesday is the very best day of the week:

bedtime

just enjoying a little quiet time by the fire, owen is sleeping in his big-boy bed and i have anywhere from an hour to three before he gets up, opens his door and toddles down the hallway to snuggle up with me in my bed. it's our routine. lately it means that i have enough time to put him down to bed, do a sweep of downstairs of colorcrayons, peeeople, and chex, and then sneak some chocolate and run back upstairs. on saturday night i thought it was safe to take a nice bath and finally wash my hair but just as i was halfway sudsed up and having a calgon moment a footed-pajamed owen came sobbing in the bathroom covering up his eyes and just devestated. so of course i got out, soaking wet and quite cold, put him in bed and snuggled up with a hand towel (why i never think to get a bathtowel ready when i take a bath is a mystery even to myself). and i know i know i should put him back in his own bed and not reward the nightly strolls by surrendering all three feather pillows and sleeping sideways (careful not to disturb the cat and ever encroaching dog).

but here's the thing, it's our routine. so when nana spoiled us by not taking the train home friday and staying overnight she of course completely wore out hte little guy and then expertly rocked him to sleep and tucked him in ever-so-perfectly so that at 1 am i woke up in my queensized bed feeling like quite the queen all stretched out with yes, three pillows. and not only was there no owen teasing my hair in knots and kicking me in the nose but there was no dog creeping up michael's side of hte bed and no cat sitting on my toes. the dog, of course, is smart enough to know who will walk him earlier and the cat, well, who knows with the cat. anyhow, it was terribly lonely and when at 1:30 owen sat up in bed and quietly sang "mamamamammmmaaa" you bet i ran in there and picked him up and whisked him into bed with me.

Rijksmuseum

took a trip into Amsterdam this morning/afternoon to catch some art. yeah, Rembrandt is the big man around here, but was absolutely blown away by the use of light introduced into his pictures. i think i was most impressed w/ Johannes Vermeer -- who does that girl w/ the pearl earing painting.. that piece is over in the Hague, but did get to see these paintings:






not too shabby. ok, going to get some pizza and get ready for the Hawks tonight against da Bears..

my buddy

so what ever happened to those "buddy" dolls? ok maybe the whole point was that they weren't "dolls" but whatever-- owen has a yellow duck bag and we can call it a purse if we want to. anyhow, remember that song?

my buddy
wherever i go
he goes
my buddy and me
we like to climb up a tree
my buddy and me
we're the best friends that can be

i may not have the song right but i say move over fisher price, here come owen and west.

rockin' in p-town

fun in the NW

for a few days after new years day, cara, owen, and I went up to see the Fidlers in Puyallup. It worked out that I could take off from SeaTac to travel back to Amsterdam, while Cara and Owen could head back to Orange County at the same time last sunday (1/7).

We had a blast in Puyallup seeing the immediate family, and Linda and Jamie who stopped by on Saturday night. Owen really enjoyed the big playroom at Grandma's house and seeing his cousins Riley and Macy -- who helped him learn how to play more and be more vocal.. he really grew up some more while we were there.

We also took a trip out to see my parent's new property out on Anderson island, and will be fun for future visits to go check out the progress. I'm including some pictures of Owen and his cousins, as well as a group shot from Anderson island.

In the meantime, I am back in Amersfoort and will be here until the 26th... I've been busy catching up with work and getting back into the swing of being over here in the NL. Also busy planning the next few months -- plans are to be in Norway starting early Feb.. probably two trips of 3 weeks a piece, and Cara and Owen to come over starting mid/late March until early June... very exciting.

- michael

best things from home

well, dorothy said it best after she clicked her heels together. . . and it's true, so so true. best things about being home (in no particular order):
1. michael making coffee in the morning
2. owen playing with sierra doggy pretending he's a horse and yelling "kittycatkittycat" up the stairs
3. sleeping in our own bed, even if five bodies are snuggling up on one queen sized bed
4. ahhhh. bathtub. bathtub. bathtub.
5. this, right now. my office hour. closing the door, upstairs, in my own corner of the office with my coffee while michael and owen play downstairs in the garage/playroom.
and really these these bests all have to do with all of us (dog and cat included) being together.

ok, i promised myself a quick post as my office hour today is so i can keep these little wheels of mine turning. i've got an amersfoort paper draft here and various and sundry school-ish things to do. but i couldn't resist sharing these holiday pics.

some best snapshots:
1. owen and mama making cookie dough christmas red--a great opportunity for owen to show off his counting skills "ooooonetwothreefiveseveneighteighteighthoooorah!eight)(while nana pulls the first batch of purple cookies out of the oven off screen):
2. owen wearing great (great?) aunt fredonia's apron he found in the back of the towel drawer (while mama and nana sweep sprinkles up off the floor):

3. christmas eve-day at the beach:4. see best-thing #2 above (and owen holding his favorite "bag"--his easter basket from grandma--he carries around with treasures he finds around the house)5. owen sitting on santa-papa's lap christmas day:which leads to all the best things about christmas: sal and jenn spending christmas eve with us and then playing with owen and his new kitchen while michael and i opened our gifts to each other on christmas morning, nana and papa playing with owen's new legos, edy and jerry remembering stockings for sierra and izzy, our neighbors joining us for christmas dinner, owen's absolute joy each time he opened a new present "train! tRAIN! EEEEllllmo! ooooooh! circle circle color crayons yellow!" and his continued use of "donkuvelle" along with please and tankyooou and how he stopped and had to play with each toy for half an hour before he would even consider untying another bow.

what we like about the dutch--

basically, all things dairy. (which kind of overlaps with chocolate but that's a different video/post--because owen has started to beg and plead for chocolate). but the best part about going ot the supermarket is the yoghurt aisle. and i kid you not, there is an entire aisle for this stuff--and it's better than ice cream. our favoirte is the "booredvol" brand fruitwark volle milk (oh yeah, only the full fat stuff!)--especially the vanilla mango passionfruit. mmmm.

here's fruitwark I--owen enjoying a bowl:



and fruitwark II--owen cleaning up after fingerpainting:

owen chasing ducks

michael caught this at the hogue veluwe park--the amazing wildlife park around the kroller muller museum. we went for a bike ride which started out lovely enough with crisp, but clear skies. we stopped here to see the ducks and the scenic panorama of the hunting lodge in the background. we never made it there--let's just say the ducks were the highlight and owen is not a big fan of being cold while the wind hits his face.

enjoy the quack quacking!

owen puts on a show

Found this resturant with a stage which was perfect to occupy Owen's time while we eat our dinner and socialize with some friends. The stage came complete with a fish-tank background. Enjoy..

rain, rain

it's one of those red stomping boot days, but instead owen and i have stayed inside in our pajamas all morning. the heat is on and the window is cracked open just enough to hear the "drip drop drip drop." and i have to say this is one of those days i'm just happy to be here.

i've been working mornings all week doing revisions on my dissertation chapter (yes, the same one i've been gestating since owen was born) while owen hangs out with wout--an artsy dutch youth who while he figures out his existential place in the universe babysits and writes ironic poems and plays in dutch. his dream is to move to romania with his friend's cousin who bought some abandoned village for 10 euros and they all plan to live off the land as artists. he's the son of one of the inn owners that michael's stayed at these last few months. he comes with pretty good credentials and so far is my favorite dutch person. he finds blue's clues quite illuminating and takes owen to his old elementary school around the corner where there's a big slide. anyhow, it's been a productive respite for me.

but, nothing beats time with owen. he's grown so much here, and not just in the--pajamasaretootight kind of way, but grown into his big personality. he's so loving and funny and i think becoming quite the artist. maybe all those museum trips are having an effect ;) he's napping now after a busy morning with color crayons, elmo and playing tickle "hut one hut two" with mommy (guess who taught him that game?).

anyhow, our time here is getting down to days and i'm anxious to see nana and papa, our friends, and the doggy and kitty. our house will seem palatial after all sharing this one room--i've been dreaming of our big soak tub and our queen sized bed (with no drafty gaps in the middle!) and fluffy down pillows--but there's just something simple and loving about all being in this room together. maybe we'll just all huddle in our living room and sleep on the couch. either way, i hope we take this, whatever "this" is home with us even if we leave the rain behind.

Trainspotter

A video of Owen watching a big train go by -- he's very excited about the trains and good thing this country is full of 'em. We ended up taking the train from Amersfoort to Amsterdam for the day. Ended up at the Ann Frank Huis, where he and her family hid out during the German/Nazi invasion... very interesting if you've never seen it. But Owen did not seem to enjoy it too much, and we "hurried" thru some sections. ... Let's just say that Owen embarassed us a bit...

amersfoort postcards

thought i'd share a few snapshots of our surroundings. yesterday i took these pics out our window. the weather's started turning cold again after an unseasonably warm week but the starkness is actually quite beautiful against the brick that is ubiquitous here in amersfoort.things are a little slow at b&d so michael was able to log in "at home". we took a walk around the stadsring--the outer circle of the city along the river/canal and let owen stomp in the leaves before lunch. owen and i take this walk quite often and usually get to see some dogs and ducks. just have to watch out for dog bombs, if you get what i mean. apparently people don't carry "doggie bags" like they do back home. but owen's got his red stomping boots so it's all good.

here's owen waving "hi mama! hi mama! hi mama!" and "sitting" with me for a picture at the park bench. these snaps i think are the best part of being here, of being anywhere really with my guys.

so here we are in holland

and no pictures yet of windmills!

so we took a sunday family drive (i can't remember the last time driving was recreational!) to explore noord holland and see if we couldn't find any windmills. we left amersfoort after lunch and took a 20 kilometer road right over a bay off the north sea. it was amazing and made you realize why people used to think you could drive off the edge of the earth. we made our way up to Enkhuizen
which was a beautiful port city--to the right is a boat picture i took for grandpa ken.

we then looped inland and headed south towards the zaans schanse where we were told we'd see windmills. and we did. it was an entire little windmill village--complete with cute dutch dames making wheels of gouda in little white frocks, a clog museum complete with giant yellow clog for climbing on, fancy clogs for getting married in, and teeny little baby clogs. and ducks hanging out on little bridges quack quacking. but i did promise windmmills, didn't i?

Owen video on train

Here's a video of Owen -- very excited to be on the train...