this morning we took owen back to tanaka farms to see the pumpkins--i can't believe owen was just a little pumpkin himself when we were there just a year ago. postcards or the like of the great pumpkin are coming soon but i couldn't resist posting a few. . . here he just looks like a little angel. i'm not actually sure how this picture happened--this is in the petting zoo/farm game/farmers market part of the farm where they have pretty displays of pumpkins under a giant canopy. we tried to take some owen & pumpkin shots here but everytime we got him close to a pumpkin he went off screaming in the other direction. so i guess it's pretty accurate since you see very few pumpkins in the shot. but he did pause and that's amazing.
here's owen on the wagon for the tractor pull around the farm. look at that perfect pose--again, no pumpkins. so charming though that you really dont mind ;)
and my favorite--owen giving a pumpkin a loving little pat. or picking dead leaves off the pumpkin vine and squishing bugs. most of these pictures in the pick-your-own patch are of the back of owen's head. we didn't actually buy any pumpkins by the way. he was more interested in the dirt and every time we tried to put a pumpkin in the wheelbarrow owen screamed. so that's when we went to the park and he ran around the grass instead.
sneak peek
good news and bad news
i'm writing this while michael is at lax waiting for the plane that will take him up up and away to amsterdam in the next hour or so. it was running three hours late last i heard. the good news is that owen and i decided to park and check in with michael so instead of hanging out alone for six hours at the lovely los angeles airport we all went up the street and hung out at the marriott lobby and had starbucks for dinner. which if you're owen is pretty fabulous. this means a maple oat scone, big people yogurt, melons out of the fruit cup and milk out of a really long green straw. and lobbys are great for having many many overstuffed chairs to dive into and long long hallways that circle around and around around and plenty of people to say "hi!" to.
this is after an entire day of getting in and out of the car. (morning at the pumpkin patch in irvine, lunch across town at the in and out, afternoon visiting ducks at the regional park, then the 405 to lax, terminal two then back in the parking garage, early evening at the marriot then back to lax and then back on the 405 just in time to get home for a bath and crash to bed.) which just confirms what we already know about owen. he's a born traveller. he just gets into the spirit of the hurry and wait with strangers that you do when you travel. hotel lobbies, flight gates, starbucks couches are just big playgrounds of mauve and chartreuse velour.
but more than that is his absolute love of transportation. one word: car. car! carcarcarcarcaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr. today he even spotted the little green jetta in the parking lot before either of us and shouted: mamas car!. impressive. but the world of cars has expanded. he now shouts bus! bus! and shrieked with glee when one almost ran us off the road at the lax terminal. so wonderfully close! and trains. choochooo. and airplanes have so many neat buttons and seats that go up and down and those table trays.
so the bad news is that michael is, well, you know at the airport. and he's leaving the states. leaving home. and it makes us all really really sad. but the good news is that when he comes home we're all leaving the states and setting up home over in amersfoort. together. for a while. until it's time for michael to come home again. or until we come back here, from there. because home seems more and more like a state of mind. like we have this house, here. but when we're together here, or when we're somewhere out there, both are home. and that's good news too, i think.
and the other good news is that although ten hours is a ridiculously long time to have a toddler in an airplane owen will make it an incredible adventure. he will probably even get to ride trains and busses when we get there.
more more mickey
papa & owen meet mickey in toontown --he gave mickey kisses on the nose and kept signing "mouse! mouse!"
walking down mainstreet, mama pushing owen's new mickey mouse with owen ears, riding on dada's shoulders with his tigger hat and strolling with nana:
on king arthur's carousel, which owen rode three times consecutively and tried to run in a fourth:
the fidfam, nine hours, two train-rides, three dumbo rides, one storybook land boat journey, one small world musical, three carousel go-arounds, one alice in wonderland ride, two ice cream cones, one jungle cruise, and one complete tour of toontown later. . .
home sweet home
here's owen and dada at the oc airport--sometime around 9pm cali time friday night. we'll be recouping and regrouping so things should be quiet here on the fidfam blog. with the exception of a few pics here and there--tomorrow we go to disneyland for papa's 60th birthday!
keep on keep on drivin'
tomorrow night i won't be posting. i'll be in the car, on my way to the airport, with a smelling like johnson&johnson baby owen in the backseat, going to pick up michael.
it's been a long long three weeks but we've fallen into our routine and i believe michael's found his stride too. and it hasn't actually felt like we haven't been three. dada is very present in all the daily stuff we do. not only does owen tear through the house screaming and dancing "dadadaDADADDA!dadaddddaaadada" but every morning while mommy waits for coffee owen eats his banana up on the kitchen counter while we instant message with michael on his way to dinner. then while owen naps--we chat while michael gets ready for bed and i do all the stuff that's better done without a toddler racing around (like brushing my teeth without getting my toothbrush stolen, emptying the dishwasher without owen climbing on top of the pots and throwing plates, calling billing people without getting my phone taken away, or even occasionally taking a shower and washing my hair). and now, the last time this time around. ah, here he is now... after my quiet time i take the laptop here, on the couch and write or putter around on the computer and wait for michael to wake up. and we may not share a cup of coffee but somehow we get to start and end our day together. and we pick out something for him to wear and i can usually see him on the amersfoort cam as a grainy blue shirt and black pants. and yesterday i even got a wave.
so that's how we've been getting by. and i think we can do this again. i know we will. because it truly is an adventure.
oh, and owen's driving, by the way.
here are the previously promised owen in dada's car pics. note that owen has no shirt on because sometime this morning he decided that putting on a shirt is absolute torture. but he does have socks on and one shoe. 
amersfoort
Here are some shots when I was walking around the town of Amersfoort the other day. It really is nice, although it seems to get crowded around the weekends. It looks like our group will be staying here for another month or two at least until the system is ready and we can implement at the sotes up in Norway. I think I have settled in to this town and know my way around pretty good now.. well enough to find where I parked my car, my hotel, local watering holes, grocery shopping, and pools.
mornings with owen
thought you'd enjoy a few shots of owen on a monday morning doing his owen-thing.
so this is about 9:30 after breakfast trucking around in his oatmeal-blueberry stained pajamas checking everything out. our neighbor usually gets his crew going out to work sometime between 7-9 am and owen likes to give him a shout-out through the window. but this morning he actually blew kisses out the window. what a lovebug.
then he ususally moves into the garage/playroom and dumps out his baskets of toys and decides whether or not it's a truck day, a little people day, or a block day. i'm cleaning up breakfast dishes and doing a late morning cheerio sweep. here's owen cleaning off his playrug--and the dustbuster is actually on:
this picture is actually from a couple of days ago, but it's pretty typical. he usually plops down here and tries to get sierra to read with him or share his milk. michael noticed sierra looked pretty bored. i think by this time--usually 10ish--sierra's about done with being nuzzled by owen. in about 15 minutes sierra will move to his hiding place behind the living room chair which is supposedly off-limits to owen.
this morning owen actually skipped the couch time with sierra and had some book time on mama's couch in the living room. he's getting to be a good listener and does less tearing of pages and more singing along. he then dragged his little pooh airplane into the kitchen and did some rounds. tried to get pictures but then he was making a turn and trying to reach the dog and had a crash on the side of his face. nice bruise. so, no pictures. mommy first aid and then a nap.
good taste buds
we went to nana & papa's on sunday and just relaxed. owen decided he wanted to try some of papa's hefeweizen--ummm i mean rootbeer--and he kept grabbing the bottle and saying "more! more!" 
and this is the "what mom? i can handle my beer, thank you" look-- note the dribble down the airplane shirt.
about time to come home
I can see the finish line for this three week adventure now, and just counting the days... about this time, no matter where I am the locals always find someway to bug me. The dutch with their agressive driving and walking (it's true!), and their tall-ness. but really bugged me is how they trashed their downtown this weekend. this pic is taken outside my current hotel room. Oh well, I'll appreciate them later... as I took some beautiful pics this weekend, but won't show them in this post as it wouldn't quite fit the theme.
looking at zoo pics
since michael's gone euro i've spent most of my free time scrapbooking. i haven't touched my draft or done any academic writing but i've cut a lot of paper and written my odes to owen and our family. it's another one of those ways that i pray.
these pages i finished last night are of our trip to the san diego zoo with sal and jenn. the first page is kind of the summary of our day--fun group shots and owen on michael's shoulders with his cool new zoo hat and the turtle he liked.
the second page is my favorite though because i realized in flipping through the hundred-plus pics that there were all these pictures of owen with animals in them. not owen looking at animals, but owen looking at other things besides animals. 
i think you can see owen walking by the chimpanzee right up against hte glass but my favorite one is the alligator looming behind him while he says "fish! sshhh! fish" and is mesmerized by the little goldfish/alligator-food. which seems typical--we try to pull him towards what we see and he sees things we'd probably not even notice. toddler lesson #32.
wake up
less than a week left until I return now!! Now I just have to organize for my next trip out here, oh well, think about that later... When I went to sleep last night, there was a stage and a band playing in the square.. they were covering abba, tina turner, and others.. kept going until I fell asleep, probably around 1am... but now look at the square this morning. sometime between 2am and 6am, they broke down the stage and replaced it with this market. They will break it down at around 6pm and setup the stage again.. check it out with the "hof" link on the right.
Headed out to the airport this morning.. switched cars (this time a Ford Focus!!), actually it's not a bad car -- manual -- so that makes it a bit more interesting. pic coming soon. Here's a pic of the IKEA that I went to with Christie, last time I was out here and stayed with Jamo and Christie. 
Oh, and if you want to see how bad the dutch really cut hair, take a look at this bad haircut -- hopefully Lynette can fix when I get back ?!? It's worse than it looks...
hello doggy
tonight we met our favorite peeps (b. and w.) at avila's in san c. for dinner (where we went for michael's bday) and sat out on our favorite patio. while we were waiting for our friends owen had a lovely conversation with the dog at the door.
here he's petting the dog nice, which he's getting very good at. he kept squatting down to grab the collar--i think he wanted to take him for a walk. and best of all, he gave the doggy lovely little kisses on the nose.
and it really was a beautiful day
papa just sent me these pics from yesterday (here and post below)--and i'm thinking that from this perspective it looks like a loving silly little guy spending the day with his mama and papa.
how i pray
papa came to spend the afternoon with us today and we had a gorgeous walk around the park outside the montage in laguna beach. owen was just running in circles and tumbling in the grass. he's a born adventurer and is terrifyingly fearless. he was ready to slide down the edge of the cliff, roll into the sand, and dive straight into the waves.
and it's beautiful and it's exhausting. we decided to go to our local italian restaurant for dinner and instead of sitting in the highchair and eating his ravioli with his new toddler fork he wanted to jump on my lap, pull my hair and see how many times he could pull the light fixture off the wall. and i had that moment where i thought, i'm that mom you look at and think poor lady can't control her kid. and he was laughing and screaming every time i tried to put him in the highchair. and i realized then that owen's already smarter than me. definitely stronger but definitely smarter. and tonight when i went to put him down to bed every time i read "and a little old lady whispering hush" from good night moon he screamed. and sure enough when we got to "hush" again he let out a wail. and then he wouldn't sleep and i felt like i lost again. and i brought him downstairs. and then on my bed. and finally just back to sleep and clsoed the door. and i let him cry. and he fell asleep. then i cried to papa, my dada. and he laughed. and i realized i wasn't really that bad mom. and maybe bad moms are just tired moms. who have lost perspective. trying to do the right thing. and owen was asleep. oh, and owen's a boy. a curious boy who likes dirt and mud and throwing things. and i just keep up the mantra "gentle" and when necessary put him to bed and close the door so we can both have a time out.
and then i worked on my scrapbook. mostly i've been shuffling pictures and having paper angst (if there is such a thing). and so i chose the pictures from the zoo which weren't really "zoo" pictures but owen looking up against the glass. and i don't even remember what animal we were looking for. and you can't see it. but owen sees something. and i decided it should be the last page. and with it is this poem, my prayer, by e.e. cummings. so no picture today, but a poem, a prayer instead.
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginably You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
-e. e. cummings
show and tell
I promised some pics.. so here they are. The first one is a funny story. So my buddy Rob forgets his parking ticket (you need one to get back in the parking garage) and there's a bell for service for occasions like this. We explain that the ticket is lost, the guy on the other end says we have two options: (1) We could find the ticket... dramatic pause and (2) we could just pay the day-rate of 10 euros which is what we would have paid anyway if we had the ticket. I'm not sure if the guy on the other end was kidding or serious about the first option, but I was cracking up. The Bill Gates look-alike on the right is Phil from the UK.
Second pic is a street shot as I saw a ballon overhead. You see them a lot around here.. must be because of the flat country. I was on my way to meet the gang for dinner.
The next pic is cow (not real) that was being drug down the middle of the street, outside my hotel window. i think it was some sort of charity thing... but the people towing the cow were covered in makeup.. very creepy. it's "stores stay open until 9pm night" on thursdays.. so plenty of shoppers.
moving
now is thursday, mid-day. I changed hotels last night, only for one night, and tonight I move back. always moving. not sure why everything booked up and I had to move out, but maybe I am unaware of thier customs, so I was chosen to leave. some of the others had to check out of the Hilton for one or two nights also. The cable from my camera to the laptop is in one of my suitcases in the first hotel's storage, so I can't upload any photos until later tonight... but I will make up for it over the weekend, since I am still taking photos. Here's a link to my hotel last night.. it means tobacco plant. I did have a non-smoking room.. so go figure. It wasn't bad, but I was unable to get to the internet during my short stay. The CEO for B&D flew out for the night and took us out for dinner, so I didn't have much time anyway. I've actually met him twice when he was still working for Flextronics.. once in Montreal, and once in Los Angeles at a Baan demo for the Dacor company. Anyways.. back in the de Gapper tonight and hope I can settle back into some sort of rhythm.
a little beowulf
today the "word horde" broke--one of my favorite phrases from the old english days. owen's never been a quiet child (in fact i noticed that every time someone says "hush" or "shhhh" he gets very upset). . . but this morning he just decided he was going to unpack his word stash. it started when i was talking to michael and said to something or other "that's cool" and owen looked at me and said "cool!" and again "cool. cool. coooool." or maybe it started last night with the berries and "cream cream cream." either way, it was "what's up?" to his cat "izzzz" and of course he sang "dog dog" every time he gave sierra a bear hug (which he loves, i'm sure). and clear as day he looked at his abc book and pointed to the t and said "truck" at the big tow truck. and when he had a poopy diaper he looked at me, pinched his nose and said "stink" then proceded to sing our "diaper diaper diaper" song (which consists of exactly those three words again and again). while getting a clean nappy he picked up the big foam alphabet letters "K" and "W" ("O' and "A" he's had down for a while) and boldly shouted out the letters. and when we discovered blues clues on nickjr.com during lunch he and blue were having a complete conversation in blue-talk. apparently whatever they were talking about was hillarious.
so this means when sierra is pulling me on our morning walk i cannot demand he stop pulling with any colorful words or when i bang my toe on the garage door for the twentysecond time i must practice "ooops" (which he has down too) instead of even the mild "crap" which he says in such a lovely singsong way. which i'm sure as such a lovely young lady i shouldn't be saying such things anyway. see, more to learn from owen.
when its 105
. . . no matter where you are in southern california, and it's 6:15 pm and what you really need is a stroll through the park i suggest gathering everyone up in the kitchen, on the floor, under the a/c, whipping some cream (with a pinch of vanilla), and eating berries on the floor. because berries are really good now. because fresh whipped cream always makes a picnic. 
notice that owen is eating out the porcelain bowl with the big stainelss steel spoon and that the green froggy bowl and purple plastic spoon is mine. what you can't see is owen saying "cream cream cream" and giggling and leaning forward with the spoon (such a big sweet boy) and feeding me raspberries. at the end of the day after sticking his finger in the socket, chewing on the dog, headbutting me in the nose so hard i thought it may have broken, owen runs towards me with whipped cream kisses and gives me the best tackle hug.
and that's just it really. i've had all this anxiety about the kind of mother i am and the kind of son i'm raising. mostly because "no" turns into a singsong "no no no" with a headshake and a laugh and more of the same. and because i pick my battles. because i want to encourage a curious child. because i want the "no" to count. because i don't want owen to be raised in ahouse of "no." but the boundary is tough. all i can do is my best to keep danger away and to be an example of kindness. i write this here although i don't always feel like my best is good enough. but my realization today is just this: owen is joy. i can take that boy into a hospital room and he sings songs on the wheelchair. put him in the backseat of a hot car with a drooling dog and he just dances along to the radio. sit him on the floor of the kitchen and he just gives me love. if he wakes up at 1 am and ends up sleeping on michael's pillow and spends most of the night kicking me and pulling my hair he also finally falls asleep spooning me and when he wakes up it's with a smile. joy. absolute joy. and it's contagious.
me and my car
outside old baan hq.. this picture was taken last week, but Cara has asked for a self-portrait. After 7 working days of learning the Rolls-Royce process, I think it finally starting to sink in. I'm at a disadvantage with the other guys who have been implementing Baan their whole career -- I've been basically implementing only the data colletion pieces into Baan, so it's kind of different... This is probably easier, but takes a while to catch up.
I feel like it's the calm before the storm.. the storm coming maybe tomorrow where I have to deal with moving to a different hotel for the night.. just one night, then back to the de Gapper. tomorrow may be crazier, but for now it's starting to sink in.. and I'll just go with the flow.
toes and other good stuff
as promised, here are some pictures of owen's piggys. check out the thickness of those little oinkers. and note the fidler curl of the toes on the bottom pic. nana took these pics in the car on our wy out to riverside this afternoon. sierra and owen rode in the back--much to owen's delight and sierra's dismay. i kept having to say "no no no nice to doggy" while owen kept pinching him and yelling "ouch ouch." and then i had to say "yes, ouch means you hurt doggy. nice, pet, be gentle." gentle is the word of the week i think. we will try to incorporate it when pulling mommy's hair or headbutting our best friend west.
today we had a good holiday with nana and papa. we all went in the swimming pool and papa let owen water the plants from the pool. this meant spraying the hose mostly on papa and sierra running around the pool. it was triple digits here in the riverside but with the pool and the swamp cooler we didn't mind. owen had his first steak and he may be a meat and potatoes boy because it was "more more more". well, a meat, potatoes and fruit boy. he couldn't get enough strawberries and pineapple and he can spot a melon out of the corner of his eye.
and i say it was a good holiday not just because of the bbq and key lime cheesecake and the swimming but because owen is at home here. he sat and played with uncle sal's old fisher price toys for a while and then just ran around the house delighted with everything from the patio steps to the dining room lights. and i feel lucky, for me and for michael and for owen that our family gets to have nana and papa and grandma and grandpa to share our lives with.
taking dog food to the park
i think we're never too old to need our mamas or our nanas. not only because when we're little ones they'll give us a bath, rock us to sleep and sing us our own lullaby but because when we're bigger they'll do the same things for our little ones so we can take much needed long showers. and they'll fold the towels that have been sittingin a pile on the bed for a week without asking. and put them away because they already know where they go. and then they'll sit outside with you when it's all quiet and just breathe with you. and in the morning when you wake up and there are ants in the dog food in the garage they'll pile all the dog food in the toddler wagon and wheel it out to the park trash so you won't have ants and stinky trash. and then sit down and eat chicken salad and crossaints with you while the little one naps. and these are just the reasons from today--or the last twelve hours.
irish in netherlands
grabbed a bite to eat here -- 'caus I love the pub food. I drank their last pint of guinness.. must be the only irish pub in the world to run out of guinness!
familiar names
rainy, wet, windy, stormy... getting colder. during breakfast this morning, I commented that the weather took a turn for the worse to the hotel host (presumably the owner). he just said it will be "no problem", he ordered everybody into chuch to pray that the weather get better... very serious, but with a little smile on his face. I assume it will get better. A big party this week is planned for the town, not really sure what it is.. maybe the town's anniversity or something like that.. I'll find out more details later, but know that Saturday is biker day (the Harley-Davidson kind), and Sunday is clown day.. we will see. Here is a pic of the pool's brochure that I visited today.. 50 meters.. man that is long for someone out of swim-shape as I am. managed about 800 before I called it quits.
Also passed this advert for concert schedule on my walk.. Sorry it is blurry, I think the battery was dying and didn't produce a flash.. but if you look closely, you can notice -- GEM.
ok, so i'm trying to keep it together but right now i'm just not. but i think that just makes me a human being right? and i can't get on to g-talk to see if michael's up yet, the dog is upset with me for being gone and won't eat and now he's lying on the floor making crazy stomach noises, i just got back from visiting my grandparents and i'm just tired. and i'm trying really hard to be ok and everyone's been so fabulous about making sure i'm ok and really i have been fine but it's been a week and tomorrow's sunday and i'm not sure how we're going to make it through the day. i mean i have all this support here and my parents are close and i feel crappy for even writing this but i can't sit here and write something like i'm on prozac and i feel fine. because in this moment i don't. i just want michael here. and now i'm all snotty and i want a shoulder to cry on and it's eleven o clock at night and i feel alone. like i want to go wake up owen just so i can hold him and i want to lock the dog out on the balcony. and part of what is making me upset is that my neighbor was supposed to ofeed sierra, but somehow the message didn't get through and it didn't happen. not that he would have eaten anyway because he's all depressd that he's not on his michael schedule and then i abandon him for a whole day so then he lets me know he's unhappy with me by not eating and so then we're all feeling sick to our stomachs. so then i just think that the one person i know i can always count on isn't here and it just makes me really sad. and i know he's sad too. and i don't want him to come home because i want us to make this work but maybe part of making this work is admitting that it's just damn hard too.
ok, i feel a little better. im sure i ened some sleep and maybe a glass of wine.
xw
here's a pic of owen's new stride rites--size 5xw as in double wide!--next to papa's foot:
how i love those meaty feet (little piggy picture to follow soon)
market day
the hof square turned into a makeshift market with fresh fish and flowers, and this is the place to get bread.. from pirates.. grabbed some b-fast: coffee and cereal/fruit, and hit the market. In the next square, they had some flea market going with some really crazy stuff, but nothing I would buy. I did hit a store on the way and picked up Owen some instruments for his music class.
Tried to go swimming, but lap swimming is only from 10-1pm, so I'll have to go back tomorrow.. The pool is about 10 min walk from my hotel. Here's a shot of some amazing flowers, that I took for Cara:
Will be relaxing the rest of the day and get my new laptop setup. somehow I misplaced my power converter, so hopefully the hotel has an extra one.
better than remote controlled H2s
i ordered some new stackers, blocks and fish poppers for owen (along with extra toddler-proofing stuff) and they weren't out of the box two minutes before he set to work.
here's owen with auntie mary ann:
