today is monday and we're leaving friday. which seems completely insane. but it seems completely just right too. something happened when michael left, and i realized it yesterday. home stopped feeling like home. that is, our little abode here in the oc didn't feel like our home anymore. and it made me sad, but it underscored something i'd been feeling, i think we'd been feeling. it's the also thing that's in the back of my mind, that when we come back here, to this house, to this home it'll be different. that really what's the big unsaid, is that we won't be coming back to the same anymore. because the same isn't the same. because
when michael leaves for norway we're not staying here. we can't. because today is also the day i cried four times. not because i couldn't try on cordorouy pants--or i could but really really quickly because dada and owen were done running in circles and dodging sock hooks at old navy. but because owen finally fell asleep 
after we had lunch, all three of us at wahoos, and then michael sat in the decadent dressing room at anthropolgie complete with aromatherapy and fluffy pillows while owen
slept and i tried on half a dozen pants and tees from the sale rack. because for an entire month my laptop sat on my bookshelf, in the outbox, waiting a death sentence and now i'm writing this post tapping hte old familiar keys after michael wiped out the old hard drive, reinstalled everything, and did a do-over so it all works now. because since he's been travelling the only writing i've done have been these scattered posts and the 11 monumental pages i did in p-town sequestered at a starbucks while grandma held good-kids-only daycare for owen. because it feels like this amazing boy is growing, michael is moving, and i'm here just trying to hold on while our family is pulled like playdoh. ok, what i'm saying is this: it just sucks not all being together. and it's really hard. or it's gone beyond hard and just started feeling stupid. anyhow, it's about time we all got on board this adventure and well, it's time to gogogo.
time to gogogo!
can i see some identification?
so how much do i love that our entire little fidfam all have passports? it's like now we can be one of those disney super spy families that all have code-names. owen obviously will be red--you know, code red, come in red, red alert, love the red. . . which, by the way is pretty much all you can see in this photo i took of his passport. i think it's probably not legal to do so, but it's just a fuzzy little glimpse of red and his super identity. and, since passports are good for like 10 years even if, and i mean IF, the little blond and brown hairs overtake the red he'll be travelling with this picture when he's in fifth grade and doing a doublesecret school report of the galapagos islands. and when he goes through customs they'll see the red and wink and say, of course mr. red. the bird flies 32 yellow. yeah. something crazy like that.
in the meantime, even better than colorful monikers is the fact that our little fidfam will all be traveling together. as we should.
grandpa's post
It was a fun day in Puyallup, near the base of Mt. Rainier. We learned about bears and tigers and HUSKIES - who incidently were visiting the Bay Area! The day was crisp and typically fall-like. Leaves were shaking themselves from branches and squirrels were finding places to stuff their nuts. Some of these events were real - others we learned from a book. Life was good! The sheep learned from Owen that they were supposed to be saying "Bah-ah-ah!" All the wanna-be farmers stopped and listened to the words of wisdom Owen had offered - Their lives will change forever. 
Then, the city of Orting, soon to be covered with volcanic sediment from Mt. Rainier, anxiously summoned Owen into their secret "Pumpkin" club. Owen quickly came through the secret door... 
Now, it's better for all! Just a simple day in the life a super hero!
spoiler: he turns into butterfly at the end
I spotted Owen's favorite book downstairs in the hotel (in dutch!)... all my thoughts these days are about how to best make this place Amersfoort work for us when the whole family is over here... We'll definately do the market on Fridays and Saturdays to get fresh fruit and vegetables... I just noticed an italian stand where they had all sorts of olives, olive oil, and even those ameretto cookies that Cara likes to cook with. Some resturants are more kid-friendly than others.. not sure how Owen would like Indian food. After dinner walks around town are a must. Chasing Owen as he runs around the Hof. Should be fun. Had to cancel my trip to Bruges, Belgium because there was a lot of work to get done before Monday, but we're wrapping that up now, so tomorrow I will be sleeping. Trying to fight off this cold. A bigup to Chris in Shanghai -- good to hear from you.
owen's box
today we're getting ready for our seattle trip. owen is keeping himself busy by hanging out in the "box" or the inside of the ikea (hmm another amersfoort connection!) footstool i've been meaning to move from the garage back up into the office. but owen seems to like spending time in the box, as we call it. here he's reading his favorite book--eric carle's classic the very hungry caterpillar. it's really amazing how much they take in, those little toddlers--i hear a sweeter, funnier echo of my own reading voice as he points to himself (with suprise and exclamation) the caterpillar on each page and a dramatic "buuubu" when the "cat" becomes a butterfly.
anyhow, i'll keep this brief as i'm going to skedaddle while owen naps and try to knock off as many things as i can off today's to do list. i'm trying to not let my lists overwhelm me, but, well, old habits die hard. the plants do need watering though and the defender needs moving. soo. ttfn. hehe.
fidfam confirmed; advice sought
HERE IT IS! YIPPPEEE:
| Los Angeles (LAX) Depart 5:45 pm Terminal 2 | to | Amsterdam (AMS) Arrive 1:05 pm +1 day |
| NW Northwest Flight: 8602 Operated by: KLM ROYAL DUTCH AIRLINES -- KL602 | |||
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| 3Economy/Coach Class, Boeing 747 (M) | |||||||
| Please check in with KLM ROYAL DUTCH AIRLINES -- KL602. If checking in at a kiosk, use your name rather than confirmation number. | |||||||
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| Fri 15-Dec-06 | |||||||
| Amsterdam (AMS) Depart 1:20 pm | to | Los Angeles (LAX) Arrive 3:20 pm Terminal 2 |
| NW Northwest Flight: 8601 Operated by: KLM ROYAL DUTCH AIRLINES -- KL601 | |||
so, michael tells me that when he takes these long flights he makes a list of ten things to do, one for every hour. brilliant, i said. now all we need are ten things to do with owen. so far i have:1. read choo choo book (and brown bear and knuffle bunny and abc book again and again)
2. watch blues clues 5 times
3. open and close open and close open and close the seat tray in front of us
4. walk up and down the aisles saying hello to wary passengers until we find a sweet dutch old lady who will tell him stories or another toddler and they can poke each other in the arm
5. throw raisins at people walking by in the aisles (we learned this one from our buddy w.)
ummmm.
HeLP?!
we'll let you know how the "practice" 2 hour flight to seattle this week works out. we are also going to "test" the dr. approved benadryl aid. but i'd almost put money on owen geting wired rather than tired . . .
Big A Little a . . . What begins with A?
Here's Owen with his leapfrog letters--he surprises me with how many letters he recognizes and how he both sings the Leapfrog "V V vuuuh vuuuh" and the Dr. Seuss "Baby barber bubbles bumblebee" which sounds like "bubabrb bumbabee". His favorites so far are A, O, E and B. But this morning he surprised me by picking up little v and little f and singing both letters. We may have a voracious little reader on our hands! I'm thinking a little e.e. cummings and James Joyce next? Although he may just get Whitman and Woolf first--which certainly wouldn't be a bad thing. Especially since W is another of his favorite letters. . .
grover in the netherlands
yesterday owen and i were watching sesame street and grover was learning to ride a bike. why? well because he just came back from the netherlands where bikes rule the roads. he then took us to amsterdam and showed all the little kids riding bikes--and toddlers beginning out on these bicycles without pedals that you walk on. and yesterday michael bought our plane tickets to amsterdam-the entire fidfam. coincidence? hmmmm. i think not . . .
versailles
Versailles is what I hate and love about Europe. very old, very historic, very majestic. too much to see in a week, let alone three hours. and massive queues to get in and view all of this stuff.
it's Saturday, but I'm putting in some work in order to win some brownie points.. it's also good experience, and also I really have nothing to do this weekend except sleep in. I have an appointment with some agency to view a rental house next Tuesday, but I've pretty much made arrangements to stay at the De Gaaper for the first week of the Michael, Cara, Owen road show. The following week we will move over to the tabaksplant where we will have a kitchen. The plan is coming together nicely..
exciting summary
just a quick post before i go to sleep, hopefully not to be awaken at 2 am and then kicked in the face until 6 am and then awoken by a very snuggly and sweet "hi" at 7 am at which point all the kicking and hair pulling is forgiven. . .
today nana surprised us by taking the train out to help us shop for some amersfoort essentials--michael's warned that things are a bit pricey over there (like 50+euros for a pair of robeez so i'm thinking i'll set up a booth at the hof flea market and make a killing on a dozen or so sharkies and fishies at 26usd). shopping, and eating out and doing anything that requires not running in circles and diving off tables has become exponetially more difficult in the last week. ok, maybe two or even three weeks. we were still recovering from our post office trip from the day before so nana's visit was a welcome blessing. anyhow, we spent some gym-bucks and bought some essentials like socks and an adorable striped hooded cardigan from gymboree where nana corraled him in the elmo-watching area and tried to keep him from curiously poking the other toddlers. then over to old-navy for the fleece gear and the last two pairs of 2t long-sleeved jammies and a few undershirts for mama. oh, and picture coming soon of owen strutting around with his new tiger back-pack that nana got him (complete with his mickey keychain on the zipper from papa). i believe it'll hold just enough "o's" to get us through our flight up to see grandma and grandpa fidler next week!
then we came home and waited for the cable guy. and it might just be bad jim carrey movies but i was a little creeped out being the stay-at-home mom alone with baby and pets while some guy that isn't my husband messed with our electronics. so was glad nana was there even though the guy was harmless and friendly enough. and then after everyone went home and to bed i spent the evening stocking up my dvr. which is amazing. i watched several hours of mindless tv but it was so fabulous because i'd record one show, t hen skip to another, and go back so i could fastforward through the commercials. this must be the tv hype everyone else in the free world is so excited about. and i couldn't help but get excited for all new episodes of blues clues, wonder pets and introducing elmo and sesame street to owen. rather, i'm excited that our 3o minutes of post-dinner down time will no longer be the same episode of blue going to magenta's house and writing messages, although it does seem to get better every time... although really the cable is for papa when he comes to house/dog sit while we go off netherlanding. and yes papa, i already recorded lost for you...
well, i guess that wasn't all that brief or very exciting, and the real highlight of the day was owen playing for 20 mintues with a tupperware bowl, a lid, and a plastic octopus bath toy that fit inside
the tupperware. it's funny how really i feel like all the really amazing things owen does during the day don't get justice. like earlier in the morning when he was banging on the metal trash cans that hold the pet food in the garage and so nana gave him a wooden spoon and he spent a good half hour running in and out of the garage playing drums on everything from the dog to the dishwasher.
just so i'm not all talk here's the daily pic--taken by papa yesterday in our "harvest harmonies" class with miss rhonda--our pre-preschool class we go to at the san clemente community center every thursday. this is owen watching the puppet show that ends each class, and he spends most of the class before it eyeing the puppets and the stage and pointing and yelling "pu puu puuup" which, you know, is puppet. oh and did i mention that he actually used a paintbrush? like, he dipped the brush in the paint, put it on the paperplate/lionmask and did it again without eating paint. see, life really is amazing!
the happiest place on earth
so really, why can't we go to disneyland everyday? tuesday owen and i went with papa for a disney afternoon and took advantage of my socal pass--the one with like three hundred blackoutdates--and it was really, dare i say?, magical. . .
first of all there's something about not having this anxiety that you've got to have the best time in your life because you're spending seven bucks on a frozen banana and waiting in line for three hours to see mickey at which point you better get the best picture so you can go home and show everyone after you've spent thousands of dollars on a resort experience that you've had the time of your life. ok, maybe that's exaggerating it. but there is definitely a different experience, a different environment and maybe not just at disneyland but at life when you’re not trying to schedule magic, you’re just open to it. and it's a luxury, i admit, an absolute luxury to be able to have breakfast, put owen down for a nap, get him dressed, pack up the stroller, swing by bristol farms and feel ok about spending six bucks on half a dozen
coconut oatmeal chocolate chip and oatmeal cranberry walnut cookies, buying the big container of fresh fruit with the berries and kiwis, and the liter bottle of fiji four dollar water. because then you're set. and then getting to the park and not having a mapped out itinerary of what rides you have to catch when. and then knowing you can just go back, next time, and see tigger if you didn't make it in time before the cast member who played tigger went home for dinner or not even go into fantasyland because you realized owen will sit through your favorite rides like pirates of the carribean. . .
anyhow, we had a lovely lovely day and owen was perfect. i mean really he was. like in a disney propaganda kind of way. everytime he saw mickey 
mouse--whether on his balloon he lovingly kissed, or in the parade he eagerly waved to, or especially on his new cap he puts on his own head himself--he sang "meee moo! meeeeee mooo!" which if you don't do toddlerspeak is mi-(ckey) mo-(use). he ran unabashedly down main street with glee. he waited eagerly in each line and at the end of each ride looked at papa and signed "more? more?". he didn't flinch when mama took him into the haunted mansion but instead sang along to danny elfman's nightmare before christmas. and in the car, on the way home, he didn't fall right asleep but kept singing, his own revue of jojo's circus from the disney playhouse show and a little jack skellington and of course lots and lots of meeemooos until he lulled himself right to sleep. and it makes me think too about all those cliches, not just disney magic but the seeing through the eyes of a child. and that's why it's magic and why it works because it's a place where you're encouraged to imagine, and touch, and skip, and live happily ever after. and really when owen was sitting on my lap and i was watching him watch a tigger puppet dance i had to hold back tears. you know, the kind you used to get watching those long distance phone commercials. and nothing else really seemed to matter.
and that's the magic part i want to keep with me. as a mantra. to "keep the dream alive." and really that's the kind of mom i want to be. who lets her son touch trees and when he does and you say tree and he looks up at the tree then signs tree with his beautiful little hands but then looks at the tree trunk and says "bark" you feel proud and ok that when you say "no, don't touch the fence" and he does anyway and then looks at you and shakes his head "no" and then when papa touches the fence signs "no" with his two fingers and proudly berates him that doesn't mean i'm a bad mom. it means it's more important to me that he imagines and touches and skips and interacts in a world where he can ask questions and explore as long as he respects other living things (like dogs, and flowers and grandparents) and all i can do is try to keep that environment as safe and as colorful as possible.
more paris
I hate to bump down that pic of my little man Owen, and there's not much going on at work, so I'll talk about my paris trip some more...
I'll start off with the car that got us there -- a Land Rover Freelander. A nice ride, but I don't think I'd buy one... The seats are kind of uncomforable.. notice it was already raining by the time we got out in the parking lot.. rain thru the rest of the netherlands, rain thru belgium, then lightened up in france, but once we hit paris -- started pouring.
The next set of pics are from the Louvre.. There was a bit of a queue to get in and Wayne and I debated whether we should go in or not, but decided to try... wasn't more than 20 minutes later - we were standing in front of the Mona Lisa.. on a saturday around noon. crazy.. everyone must have been outside still contemplating going inside. Once inside, they were pushing that Da Vinci code books and tapes and tours. I suppose I'm the only one left who hasn't read the book nor seen the movie. maybe I should.
paris
Friday night we got to Paris about 7pm. I went with another B&D guy, Wayne, and the drive time took about 5 hours from Amersfoort... but the real driving didn't start until we arrived in Paris. It's true what they say, driving is insane in the city.. people turning right from the far left lane, round-abouts probably 4-5 lanes, no lane lines, cars everywhere. Ended up parking at Gare D'Nord, a train station near the hotel.. pouring rain. but made it ok.. Had a nice dinner on friday night.
Saturday, we got a day pass for the Metro and saw some sites: Champs Elysees, The Louvre (walked right in.. saw Mona Lisa, etc..), Notre Dame Cathedral (massive, beautiful stain-glass), Arc de Triumph (saw from a distance.. see pic), Eiffel Tower (just to the second level.. top level was too full of people)... Sunday, we drove out to Versailles to see the palace.. Line was too long to go inside, so we just browsed around the garden... Driving again was tons of fun. We somehow made it back to Netherlands at around 9.30-10pm.
No surprises in Paris -- as beautiful as people say it is, driving is nuts, waiters are rude, buildings are grand, way crowded, somewhat dirty, lots of smokers, however the subway remains smoke-free.. There are some good stories, that I'll save for another post. But enjoy these pictures for now.
see owen run
i promise i'm not witholding any new owen pics--on purpose. one of the unfortunate fallouts of the laptop demise is that i no longer have a way to upload pics from the video camera--i was using the sd card and inserting it into the handy-dandy slot in my laptop. no such slot exists in this dinasour-ish desktop. i'm trying to figure out how to use one of the usb cords i found in the camera basket (which has been meticiulously organized by owen) but am still working out which drivers are needed where.
in the meantime i wanted to share owen's styling new shoes we found with b&w down in san clemente 
(after the lost stride-rited shoe fiasco which didn't make it in the top five list from last week but came dangerously close). they're from the "see kai run" shoe line based up in seattle and made for the rugged outdoorsy seattle weather. which works down at the beach well enough but will be perfect up in amsterdam. and crazy enough corrinne--the lady who runs the shop is from belgium. we'll try to pop back in there before we leave and get the insider-scoop on amersfoort.
the "bowlers" to the left above are my favorites but i think owen's partial to these sliders below. both shoes run really wide and are super flexible but also very solid. i've noticed (especially now that he no
longer has a piece of glass in his left foot--poor little pooker) he's much more sure footed in these and he even tap dances more. so now i can send back the preschoolians sandals with the velcro that wouldn't even close around those tree-trunk ankles. some good fidler stock i believe . . .
five things-- two words, twice
hello again! if you're reading this you probably know owen and i have had a kind of crappy week. in no particular order here are the top five reasons why and to keep it fun (inspired by an email from drennan) i'll keep the reasons to two words
1) projectile vomiting
2) laptop dying
3)mouse scurrying
4)glass shattering
5)ants attacking
but now it's sunday and all things in perspective here are the top five good things that have come out of the week:
1)nana visiting
2)tea drinking
3)cellphone calling
4)finger painting
5)owen snuggling
the "good" stuff is really a reminder that i'm not alone here. when the mouse and the ants and the glass that shattered and got stuck in owen's foot happened nana came and gave me time to clean the house which helped with the ants, catch the mouse (or you know, shoo the mouse which the dog then caught and ate) and find the glass (which after a morning bath with mommy came right out). and the tea drinking and finger painting were done with some of my favorite people--friends both to me and owen. and michael always manages to find a way to stay in touch no matter where in the world he is--this time he scored his ceo's cell phone while in paris. but what keeps me the most sane is that while owen was sick with some kind of virus while a new molar broke though which made him so so uncomfortable--he found comfort by sleeping with his little fingers wrapped around my hair. and if that isn't the sweetest most comforting thing ever. . .
the laptop dying, well that just sucks. i'm not without a computer though and perhaps what i need is to just hole up in the office and in a virginia woolf kind of way make a "room of my own." so that after owen goes down to sleep at night instead of scurrying around trying to do all those house-y things i can come up here with my tea, close the door and read a book and write.
it's official
Work is moving right along, but difficult to tell the future after our current contract runs out with Rolls Royce after the first week of November, but this will likely change since they need us. So, either I come home on the 20th of this month and stay for a really long time, or I plan on staying until the 27th and then take Cara and Owen with me the following week... either situation suits me just fine!
Business cards finally came in, so here's a snapshot. The title is "Senior Consultant".
Also, I've planned for my weekend in Paris. The plan is to head out on Friday as early as possible. I'll have a rental (a Land Rover Freelander)... drive to CDG airport and drop it off.. Train into the city.. and stay thru until Sunday. Should be good. I've got my mobile working now, so here's my number in case you want to pay dearly for the charges: 011 31 64 366 8145 (from the US).. Owen -- if you're reading this -- I hope your fever goes down so mommy can get some rest.. love you both.
By the way -- took us 2 hours to get to work today because of the traffic and having to drive out of the way to pick up a colleague.. two hours
i'll take the sea air instead, thanks
this is owen playing down at the monarch bay club with drake and valentina (hiding in the umbrella). we met cristina and her kids at jumpin & jammin--a kid gym with crazy tunnels and bouncy castles and an entire room that canons squishy balls. but owen just wanted to hold onto my little finger and chew the drawstring on my jacket. so afterwards we followed them to the 'beach club' and once out in the open air owen was so happy just to run in circles and shot whee with the other kids. and it was such a stunningly beautiful afternoon i couldnt resist this picture.
train...train
feeling much better today with some rest after the long flight. those 747's are big planes, but it flew very smoothly all the way here. a couple of crying babies on board too, so it is an encouraging sign for Owen to be on board. i was supposed to meet up with a workmate at the airport, but wasn't certain since I was 3 hours late. I waited at the meeting place for a while, but decided to check out the train times to Amersfoort.. then some guy offered me a free Netherlands day-pass, as he was catching a plane.. I guess it was a sign for me to take the train.. so I did.
Here's a couple shots of the train pulling into Amsterdam central station..
book therapy
today we just laid low. i got a box of books for me & owen last week to read together and these are a few of our favorites:
eric carle's brown bear, brown bear, what do you see? is just gorgeous anyhow, and after owen's delight in the classic caterpillar on board book i thought he'd enjoy this. we've been trying to get the coloring thing down--drawing and not eating crayons--and it's been more successful since i got the massive roll of art paper from ikea and i just tape it on the dining room table. of course he still colors the table mostly... but all this to say that the best part of coloring is that owen will shout out colors: YELLLLW! GREEEEEEEn! BLUE! RED! and so he was pretty prepped for this book. also it works beautifully for signing.
this book, chicka chicka boom boom was one we read for the first time today on recommendation from our friends b&w. it's a sing-song clever take on the abcs which owen is absolutely obsessed with. it was hard to get him past the first page, as with seuss' abcs, with the alphabet but once we got the rhythm going he was singing CHICCCBOOM and laughing at all the letters jumbled up after the fell out of the coconut tree.
but this book. . . well, it's clearly the winner. the first page starts:
Trains are great at speed, speed, speeding,
Through tunnels rumbling, over tracks rattling,
All aboard, at stations stopping.
Choo choo. Clickety-clack! Off they go!
the pictures are fun, the words rather poetic and by the end (and the third read this morning) owen was practically shrieking CHOOOOCHO and shouting ZOOOMZOOO and singing DINGDINGDING.
so that's my impromptu book-review of some new (to us) toddler books. elmo's window book is a big hit of course but mostly owen just likes to open and close the clock with mice running behind.
today, then, really felt like a sunday. we spent most of the morning rotating through books and hanging out in our jammies until 2 taking breaks to watch blues clues (bue cues! buuuuuuue!) and enjoy the overcast weather with the dog. a good sunday kind of quietness and slowness, but we could feel the emptiness without michael here. we all seemed to snuggle in together, even the dog and cat. i think we were all letting each other know we're going to work it out doing the things we know best and somehow there was some kind of pact that we (all four of us) were going to be kinder and gentler and patient-er.
i'm here
long trip and I get to unwind by chatting on-line with Cara.. notice the sign above the bed which show's my son's artistic ability when he's not eating the crayons.