the happiest place on earth

so really, why can't we go to disneyland everyday? tuesday owen and i went with papa for a disney afternoon and took advantage of my socal pass--the one with like three hundred blackoutdates--and it was really, dare i say?, magical. . .

first of all there's something about not having this anxiety that you've got to have the best time in your life because you're spending seven bucks on a frozen banana and waiting in line for three hours to see mickey at which point you better get the best picture so you can go home and show everyone after you've spent thousands of dollars on a resort experience that you've had the time of your life. ok, maybe that's exaggerating it. but there is definitely a different experience, a different environment and maybe not just at disneyland but at life when you’re not trying to schedule magic, you’re just open to it. and it's a luxury, i admit, an absolute luxury to be able to have breakfast, put owen down for a nap, get him dressed, pack up the stroller, swing by bristol farms and feel ok about spending six bucks on half a dozen coconut oatmeal chocolate chip and oatmeal cranberry walnut cookies, buying the big container of fresh fruit with the berries and kiwis, and the liter bottle of fiji four dollar water. because then you're set. and then getting to the park and not having a mapped out itinerary of what rides you have to catch when. and then knowing you can just go back, next time, and see tigger if you didn't make it in time before the cast member who played tigger went home for dinner or not even go into fantasyland because you realized owen will sit through your favorite rides like pirates of the carribean. . .

anyhow, we had a lovely lovely day and owen was perfect. i mean really he was. like in a disney propaganda kind of way. everytime he saw mickey mouse--whether on his balloon he lovingly kissed, or in the parade he eagerly waved to, or especially on his new cap he puts on his own head himself--he sang "meee moo! meeeeee mooo!" which if you don't do toddlerspeak is mi-(ckey) mo-(use). he ran unabashedly down main street with glee. he waited eagerly in each line and at the end of each ride looked at papa and signed "more? more?". he didn't flinch when mama took him into the haunted mansion but instead sang along to danny elfman's nightmare before christmas. and in the car, on the way home, he didn't fall right asleep but kept singing, his own revue of jojo's circus from the disney playhouse show and a little jack skellington and of course lots and lots of meeemooos until he lulled himself right to sleep. and it makes me think too about all those cliches, not just disney magic but the seeing through the eyes of a child. and that's why it's magic and why it works because it's a place where you're encouraged to imagine, and touch, and skip, and live happily ever after. and really when owen was sitting on my lap and i was watching him watch a tigger puppet dance i had to hold back tears. you know, the kind you used to get watching those long distance phone commercials. and nothing else really seemed to matter.

and that's the magic part i want to keep with me. as a mantra. to "keep the dream alive." and really that's the kind of mom i want to be. who lets her son touch trees and when he does and you say tree and he looks up at the tree then signs tree with his beautiful little hands but then looks at the tree trunk and says "bark" you feel proud and ok that when you say "no, don't touch the fence" and he does anyway and then looks at you and shakes his head "no" and then when papa touches the fence signs "no" with his two fingers and proudly berates him that doesn't mean i'm a bad mom. it means it's more important to me that he imagines and touches and skips and interacts in a world where he can ask questions and explore as long as he respects other living things (like dogs, and flowers and grandparents) and all i can do is try to keep that environment as safe and as colorful as possible.