time to gogogo!

today is monday and we're leaving friday. which seems completely insane. but it seems completely just right too. something happened when michael left, and i realized it yesterday. home stopped feeling like home. that is, our little abode here in the oc didn't feel like our home anymore. and it made me sad, but it underscored something i'd been feeling, i think we'd been feeling. it's the also thing that's in the back of my mind, that when we come back here, to this house, to this home it'll be different. that really what's the big unsaid, is that we won't be coming back to the same anymore. because the same isn't the same. because when michael leaves for norway we're not staying here. we can't. because today is also the day i cried four times. not because i couldn't try on cordorouy pants--or i could but really really quickly because dada and owen were done running in circles and dodging sock hooks at old navy. but because owen finally fell asleep after we had lunch, all three of us at wahoos, and then michael sat in the decadent dressing room at anthropolgie complete with aromatherapy and fluffy pillows while owen slept and i tried on half a dozen pants and tees from the sale rack. because for an entire month my laptop sat on my bookshelf, in the outbox, waiting a death sentence and now i'm writing this post tapping hte old familiar keys after michael wiped out the old hard drive, reinstalled everything, and did a do-over so it all works now. because since he's been travelling the only writing i've done have been these scattered posts and the 11 monumental pages i did in p-town sequestered at a starbucks while grandma held good-kids-only daycare for owen. because it feels like this amazing boy is growing, michael is moving, and i'm here just trying to hold on while our family is pulled like playdoh. ok, what i'm saying is this: it just sucks not all being together. and it's really hard. or it's gone beyond hard and just started feeling stupid. anyhow, it's about time we all got on board this adventure and well, it's time to gogogo.