on holding on

. . . people tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming inward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top if it. If you don't you will leak away your innate contentment. It's easy enough to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.

-- elizabeth gilbert, eat pray love

last week the ladies from 7 to 33 walbert lane drank limoncello and indulged in antipasto and shared our words from optimism to heart from balance to competition and launched our first book club meeting. liz's journey was a good place to begin--to bring together a group of ecclectic women that seemingly had little in common other than geography and a desire to talk. of course what we found that we could all learn from liz was not that we needed talk/prayer but that we could learn so much from listening/meditation. from this lady at number 17 the above passage resonated most beautifully and insistently--somewhere (see blog archives from april-may) in a little fishing village in norway, this part of fidfam realized happiness snuggled up with her two boys away from the competing rigeurs of academic life and ocmommyism and found balance (my word). somehow, while not exactly indulging in canollis in rome or seeking ascetism in india, literally distincing myself from what seemed like an impossiblity to balance i realized the simplicity of my happiness--and indeed the absolute fervor with which i would fight to keep it. and for me it necessitates a balance and a daily thankfulness--for the love cultivated with neighbors, friends, family and above all my boys and for the self contentment cultivated from writing and reading. the optimist of our group said it most eloquently--you might look at me and think i have everything; i do, and i'm so thankful. and i think the beautiful thing about that statement is that it comes from a gorgeous soulful woman who would be thankful for anything despite the circumstance and has learned to fight for it, insist upon it, and above all else believe in it. there is real strength in identifying happiness--indeed, my beautiful clarissa dalloway pinpoints the exact moment of her happiness in her memories of bourton and uses that to realize that a day in london, simply, life, is what she loved. we talked of keeping a thankfulness journal and how difficult it was to meditate and i realized that this blog has become, for me, a kind of thankfulness meditation-- a space where i pause and celebrate the daily delights and absurdities. it began as a way to share with michael those daily moments, to keep us connected (and hence retain that balance--for if anything michael is truly my balance) and somehow i think it's grown from there and become a larger means of reaching out and stashing our horcruxes, what i take as our essential cherished bits of ourselves in secret, safe, places--with, of course, those who we celebrate with and share love. wow, it's definitely time for someone to shout "digression!" (and to cease this geekiness) and with that i will return to my writing and clarissa (the boys have gone to see mickey so mommy could work--ah, balance! and i'm definitely in a writing mode now!) and continue to meditate on happiness.
but first one last oh--for our next meeting i'm thinking we ladies are ready to go american literary and seek some hemingway--any suggestions out there? i love the sun also rises (and i'm not sure we're ready for garden of eden) but i wonder if for whom the bell tolls might be a good begin? (the boys i think might also enjoy this read). would love some readerly advice!